Spacemen Commandos and Slayer oh My?
by Lipton Lee
Summary: Buffy's Formerly Lost in Space Uncle comes to Sunnydale and the Scoobies' world may never be the same.
1. Winging It

Disclaimer: Farscape belongs to the nice Henson company, Rockne O'Bannon  
and whoever else owns the lovely series. Buffy and all of her buddies, and  
Sunnydale belongs to our Joss. Yay Joss!  
  
Notes: I'm totally disregarding all of Bad Timing. Screw Bad Timing. Hell, I   
can't  
even watch Bad Timing anymore. Think middle of Season 4 Buffy, splits off  
directly after Hush.  
  
Rating: PG-13 to be safe.  
  
Spacemen, Commandos and Slayers… Oh… My?  
  
Pt. 1: Winging It  
  
Riley.  
  
Commando.  
  
She blinked. It did make sense.  
  
She mentally booted herself for not seeing it. Not picking it up. 'Come on,   
Buffy,' she thought. 'You should have seen that from a mile away. You're A Vampire  
Slayer. The Vampire Slayer. Chosen One.'  
  
She sighed and kept walking through the seemingly deserted graveyard.  
  
All of the sudden, She heard a series of loud clicks, and dove silently   
behind a headstone.  
  
"No. This is the place. I saw him come around here," said a male voice.  
  
More clicking.  
  
"No, nobody implanted any more chips in my head, Aeryn. I'm telling, I saw   
him. He crashed around here."  
  
Buffy blinked. Why did that voice sound so familiar? Where had she heard it  
before?  
  
More clicking interrupted her thoughts.  
  
"It's Canaveral Aeryn, and no, I don't wanna go there. Not yet."  
  
What was the what with the clicking?!  
  
"You wanna get dissected? Fine, we'll go to Canaveral and you'll get   
dissected. Listen, all I'm saying is I don't want you to get hurt, Baby. I'll call Dad   
in the morning."  
  
The clicking was getting so old.  
  
"We'll be safe here… soon as we find that frelling Peacekeeper."  
  
More clicking.  
  
Buffy glared. "No more clicking," she muttered. She got up from her spot,   
and stepped out into the view of…  
  
She blinked. "Uncle John?"  
  
The man stared bright blue eyes, and squinted. "What… Buffy?"  
  
She blinked again as things began to get very blurry. "Huh…"  
  
She fainted dead away.  
  
++++  
  
"She's waking up."  
  
The clicking was back.  
  
"No… more… clicking," she muttered, sitting up. "What… what happened to me?"  
  
John smirked. "You passed out. You okay?"  
  
"Uh… huh…" She glanced at him. "Aren't you supposed to be dead?"  
  
"Many, many times over," John replied.  
  
"So… how are you not dead?" Buffy asked. "And who is she?"  
  
John's smirk widened. "I will explain everything over coffee. We're not   
gonna find what we're lookin for tonight anyway."  
  
Buffy blinked. "Coffee?"  
  
+++++  
  
The Espresso Pump was relatively empty by the time the trio arrived. They   
sat down, and John ordered two of the biggest coffees Buffy had ever seen. He  
ordered a smaller one for the woman beside him, and Buffy ordered something  
with far too much sugar for her own good.  
  
"So," Buffy said. "Explanations. Anytime. Really."  
  
John sighed. "This is Aeryn Sun," he introduced. "Aeryn, this is Buffy   
Summers, my oldest sister's oldest daughter."  
  
Aeryn smiled nervously, and extended a hand to Buffy. "H-Hello."  
  
Buffy took her hand and sighed in relief. "Thank god, no more clicking."  
  
Aeryn glared harshly.  
  
"That's her language, Buff. I woundn't knock it if I were you."  
  
Buffy blinked. "Oh… sorry… So, Uncle John. How are you not of the dead?"  
  
The answer the slayer got was… If she hadn't been a Vampire Slayer, she  
wouldn't have believed him. Wormholes. Escaping alien prisoners. Ancient  
aliens who stuck technology right into his brain. Scary Commandos (she could  
relate).  
  
When John finished, she blinked. "Wow… just… wow…"  
  
John nodded. "Yeah. So, Buffy… graveyards… you go Goth on us?"  
  
Buffy blinked. "Oh! No. I was… out for a walk…"  
  
John and Aeryn stared at her.  
  
"…You don't believe a word I'm saying, do you?"  
  
They both shook their heads in unison.  
  
She sighed. "Me. Vampire Slayer. Chosen One. Fights demons and vampires  
and other nasties in the night. In graveyards."  
  
"So that explains this," John commented, pulling Mr. Pointy from his back   
pocket.  
  
Buffy's eyes widened, and she snatched the stake away from her uncle. "Don't  
touch Mr. Pointy without permission."  
  
John held up his hands in defeat. "Alright, alright," he said.  
  
"So… you guys haven't called Grandpa yet?" Buffy asked. "Do you have a place  
to stay? Does Aeryn have even papers? You guys could get in a lot of trouble   
for being here and not calling IASA. What are you going to do?"  
  
John shrugged. "Wing it."  
  
Buffy blinked. "Wing it?"  
  
John nodded. "Wing it."  
  
She sighed. "Oh, boy."  
  
TBC 


	2. Apple For the Teacher

Note: Oh. Season 4 Farscape Alt. Ending between Terra Firma and Twice Shy (Thank you Superfan!!). Season 4 Buffy, plus Dawn. Sorry if there was confusion.   
  
Thanks to all the lovely, bootyful people who wrote up feedback. Always lovely and appreciated! J   
Spacemen, Commandos and Slayer… Oh… My?  
  
Pt 2: Apple for the Teacher  
  
He sighed as they exited the Espresso Pump. "Don't tell anybody yet," John said. "Not until we get settled in, find a place to stay."  
  
"You could stay with Mom and Dawn," Buffy suggested. "I'm living in the dorms now, they've got some space to spare."  
  
Her uncle blinked. "You're in college?!" He shook his head. "Damn. Now I feel old. Anyways, I don't want to impose on your mother. We'll be fine."  
  
"You'll get in touch with me when things are okay?" Buffy asked.  
  
John nodded. "Definitely."   
  
She nodded, and hugged him briefly. "I need to get back to campus. Catch up with my roommate, maybe. If she's even around."   
  
John nodded. "We'll be in touch."   
  
+++  
  
"Please, Buffy?" Joyce pleaded.  
  
"Yeah, please, Buffy?" Willow added in.  
  
Buffy sighed as she looked at her course choices at the dining room table in her mother's house. "I don't know… Astronomy?" It had been a week since she'd seen her uncle and his friend.  
  
She wasn't quite sure how well she liked this friend of his. Then again, she'd never liked any of her Uncle John's "Friends."  
  
"It'll be so much fun," Willow said. "Come on. Spring semester is just around the corner."   
  
Buffy sighed. "If it's not fun will you do my homework for me?" she asked, looking up at her red-headed best friend.  
  
Willow rolled her eyes. "Come on. I've heard really great things about this new professor, and he only teaches two classes a day, so we've gotta hurry up and register. Please?"   
  
Buffy hesitated by nodded. "Yeah. Okay."   
  
+++  
  
The class was packed.   
  
They took their seats near the top row and Buffy looked around. "Wow. Lotsa people."   
  
"I wonder how we got in," Willow said.  
  
"Never look a gift course in the mouth," said a voice.  
  
Riley walked over to them and sat on Buffy's other side.  
  
"Hey," she said nervously.  
  
He nodded. "Nice to know somebody I… know."   
  
She nodded. "Yeah."   
  
Willow blinked, and looked from Riley to Buffy. "O… kay."   
  
The classroom doors burst open and a man wearing a pair of well-fitted jeans and a thin, black t-shirt entered. He was carrying a large pile of books and folders, which he dumped on the front table. "Morning."   
  
He got no response.   
  
Buffy opened her mouth, but only a squeak left her lips. Both Riley and Willow gave her odd looks.  
  
Their teacher sighed. "We're all human here. When I say good morning I expect a reply. Y'know, howdy, hello, morning, you smell like rotten food cubes, anything."   
  
Most of the class snickered.  
  
"Now," their teacher said. "Let's try this again. Good morning!"   
  
This time, he got a heavy response. From all but Buffy.  
  
"Now. Wasn't that much better?" He asked. "I'm Dr. Crichton. But since that sounds really weird, you all can call me John. Welcome to Astronomy 101. Tell you a little about myself, I been studying stars since I was five, I graduated from MIT and I did lotsa work for IASA. The rest is history."   
  
Buffy squeaked again.   
  
+++  
  
She caught up with him after class, leaving Willow and Riley bewildered.   
  
"So…"  
  
"How'd you like the class?" He asked with a smile.  
  
"Great class. I thought you were going to contact me?" Buffy asked, somewhat annoyed.   
  
"I did."  
  
"No, you didn't."  
  
"You saw me in class, didn't you?"  
  
"Did you get in touch with Grandpa?"  
  
He nodded. "Yeah."  
  
"And?"  
  
"And… what?"   
  
"Uncle John!"  
  
He laughed. "Okay. I talked to your grandpa, and he and a couple of scientists are gonna head up here next week to check Aeryn and I out. My stuff from Florida got here yesterday, and I found a place the day before that. You guys got tons of vacancies in this town."   
  
"Yeah. That's because people die. A lot. This seems way too easy. Especially for you. And where's Aeryn? And… are you guys an item? Cause I don't like her."  
  
John stopped walking, and turned to his niece. "Okay. First of all, How can not like Aeryn? She's amazing! Oh… wait… you never like any of my girlfriends. I forgot about that."   
  
"That's not true!" Buffy cried.   
  
"Buffy, you locked Caroline in my coat closet in Florida!" He sighed. "And… well… I promised IASA they could take a look at our transport. Relax, okay? I think I have everything under control. I think."  
  
"I still have so many questions for you," Buffy said. "That's why I'm freaking out. I still don't know what to think! And you said that Peacekeeper is still roaming around?"  
  
"We'll find him," John reassured her. "He's Sebacean, he'll stick out like a sore thumb. Especially since he probably doesn't know any English."   
  
"You're not worried?" Buffy asked skeptically.   
  
"Of course I'm worried," John replied. "I'd be an idiot if I wasn't worried. I'm just trying to keep calm, so don't freak me out. Are you hungry?"   
  
"How can you think about food?!" Buffy cried. "You're living with an alien and there's another alien who's trying to kill you roaming around!"   
  
"Say it louder, Buff! I don't think The people on the other side of my wormhole heard you!"   
  
She sighed. "Sorry. I'm wigged okay?" She sighed. "So… when are you going to talk to Mom?"   
  
"Today," John replied. "Definitely today."   
  
"You'd better, or I'll tell her. And then she'll hunt you down and start pulling at your ear," Buffy threatened with a laugh.   
  
John shook his head. "Yeah, always good to avoid that."   
  
+++  
  
"You shouldn't be out here."  
  
She stopped dead in her tracks. "This is exactly where I should be." She turned to face him. "Riley, I'm The Slayer. I have to be out here. Honestly? It's you who should be staying inside."   
  
"I'm trained for this!" Riley argued.  
  
"I've been training longer than you have," Buffy snapped. "Hello? Chosen?"   
  
Riley blinked. "Buffy, what are we arguing about?" he asked, giving her a good-natured smile.  
  
She smiled back. "God, I really don't know. Y'know what? You fight demons. I fight demons. Can we just fight demons?"   
  
And then came the clicking.  
  
Buffy twitched. "Not again." She scowled and began to stalk away from Riley, who blinked in confusion and followed.   
  
"No, Aeryn. I didn't imagine the Prowler following us."  
  
More clicking.  
  
Buffy gritted her teeth.   
  
"No, Aeryn, there aren't any more chips in my brain!"  
  
"Uncle John!"   
  
He looked up and smirked at his niece. "Evening. Just… PK-hunting. Again."   
  
"No," Buffy said adamantly. "Go home. Wherever you live now, go home!"   
  
Riley blinked, and glanced down at a device attached to his belt. It was beeping.  
  
Aeryn flinched at the beeping, and whipped out her pulse rifle.   
  
John reacted fast. "Aeryn, no. No shooting."   
  
Riley blinked down at the device on his belt again, and pulled out his taser.   
  
Buffy shook her head. "Riley, what are you doing?"  
  
"She's not human," Riley replied.  
  
"Duh."   
  
Riley stared. "What?"   
  
John sighed. "She's… she's not from around here. Let's not talk about it. Who the hell is he, anyways? Isn't he in my class?"   
  
Buffy sighed. "This is Riley. He's… a Fry Cook."   
  
John laughed. "Fry Cook?"  
  
Aeryn blinked. "F… Fry Cook?" she asked in English.   
  
"Fry Cook my ass!" John cried. "He's government!"   
  
"No!" Riley cried. "Of course not!"   
  
John snorted. "Right."  
  
Aeryn clicked something, and John nodded.   
  
"She's right. If we cause a scene, it could get ugly," John said. "We're gonna get going."   
  
Buffy nodded. "Right. Okay. I'll be in touch."  
  
"I'll see you in class tomorrow," John said.   
  
The couple left, and Buffy sighed.   
  
+++  
  
His name was Reflack Kayton.   
  
A Peacekeeper. He would have told you his rank and regiment if his blood wasn't being sucked.   
  
It wasn't long before everything went black.   
  
+++  
TBC  
I promise to add in more character next time. 


End file.
